so here i am.

i’ve been here for almost a month, and already this is harder than i thought. there have been personal disasters, friendships crumbling, employment obstacles. i deliberately came here without a plan – but suffice to say that if i’d had one, this certainly wouldn’t have been it.

the most difficult is the loneliness. i am not good at being alone. much like a border collie left too long, i get neurotic, easily bored, and aimlessly destructive. i’ve made major moves all alone four times in my life now, and each time the stir craziness settles under my skin and drives me mad. i don’t cope well.

i try, of course, to meet people, get out of the house and do things. the sublet i’m currently in is located in a neighbourhood that j and i are keen to move to, so i’m trying to make the most of discovering the local community. i hang out in coffee shops and pubs, i go running, i go to the movies, i go to museums, i do errands and take walks. but ultimately, i spend most of my days alone, and the only thing that will remedy that is establishing a network over time.

the job search is going very slowly. turns out, vancouver just isn’t that big, and there just aren’t as many jobs as i’d hoped. it seems like most of the opportunities fall into two categories: things i’m completely over-qualified for, and things i’m nowhere near qualified for, with very few things in between. i keep plugging away, and i’ve had a few nibbles of interest – but ultimately, the work permit issue is a dealbreaker, and i’ve not yet found an employer willing to take the leap of faith that work sponsorship requires. in the meantime, there’s a plan b slowly coalescing. i’m taking a course at the local college, which would qualify me for applying to their community counseling programme this autumn – which would a) qualify me for a student visa and b) help me brush up my skills in preparation for applying to a master’s or doctoral programme for autumn next year. it’s not ideal, but it would be a means to an end, so i’m working that path as well. the course runs until the end of June, and then the counseling programme starts in September.

so, there’s that. but it means i’m here, alone, for another 8 weeks. just me and the echo chamber inside my head. i’ve always joked that i hate my own company… but right now, that’s all i’ve got.

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