a puke-green sofa, a complicated dream of dignity
driving past in the rainy night, the neon sign outside the solicitor’s office said, “need a will?”
ha! i said to jonno. you’re welcome to my four year old computer, wedding ring, and my iphone if I die.
i said it with a casual laugh, but i wasn’t joking. i have nothing of substance, nothing of value.
most of the time, i’m perfectly okay with that. most of the time, it pleases me – that rootless, aimless part of me that eschews being tied down to any place or any thing. most of the time, i’m comfortable flying through this world unfettered by objects. i don’t feel lacking, and i don’t want. it’s freeing.
but every once in a while, it strikes me just how different my life is to that of my cohorts – who have houses and cars and children and stock portfolios. things requiring planning, responsibility, insurance, protection. things requiring a will.
have you seen “up in the air”? when he’s talking about casting off that backpack? that scene completely resonated with me. that’s what i identify with. i thoroughly enjoyed that movie – i was envious of his spartan existence… until i suddenly realised that we’re supposed to feel sorry for him. it hit me: i’m supposed to be embarrassed by my dearth of things.
things = grownup. people without things are juvenile. people without things are not to be taken seriously. a crawling flicker of shame began to creep up from the pit of my stomach.
and so most days i continue along happily in my uncluttered lifestyle, oblivious to the pity or scorn of others. most days, i can laugh at the idea of a will. most days i could put all the things i hold dear in this world into a backpack, and be grateful for it.
but every so often, out of the blue, through a fictional movie or a simple sign passed in the dark… every so often, this culture has a way of making me feel like a real freak.
everything must go – the weakerthans
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Comment by lisa
30.01.2010 @ 17:55 pm
Sometimes i look around and think I need to be a ‘grown-up’ and buy a nicer car, get a house, and nicer home interior stuff. Then I realize the freedom that not having all those things bring. I don’t have to stress over a house payment but I can throw caution to the wind and go backpacking for 2 mths. Don’t get me wrong, I like to own nice things but I don’t want to be ‘owned’ by them.
Comment by Inga
30.01.2010 @ 23:43 pm
i’m right there with you!
Comment by Julie B
31.01.2010 @ 14:06 pm
I’m right there with you too!
Actually, I didn’t realise we were supposed to feel sorry for Clooney’s character in UITA?! I felt more sorry for the young girl who was so attached to the ‘what should be’ than she didn’t seem to appreciate the ‘what is’ and also for clooney’s romantic interest because she obviously wasn’t capable of just being herself. Hmmm guess that says a lot about me to… I totally identified with his character. I did feel a little sorry for him that he didn’t have a partner who is unemcumbered like he is but that’s really all his life seemed to be missing to me….
I’ve been contemplating a living will recently, because my husband and I have different POVs on organ donation and life support. Is it sad that is the only kind of will I really require? Probably to other people, but I don’t really care anymore what other people think.
Comment by Jen
2.02.2010 @ 19:21 pm
thanks for letting me know i’m not alone guys!
julie: sooo glad i’m not the only one who identified with clooney’s character!