losing the battle, but winning the war
and in a move which will live on in ignominy, yesterday maine became the second state to rip full marraige rights out of the hands of gays and lesbians.
i don’t often agree with andrew sullivan, but he manages to nail precisely why this defeat hurts so much, why it’s so important. and why love *will* prevail in the end.
The truth about civil marriage – why it is the essential criterion for gay equality – is that it alone explodes this core marginalization and invisibility of gay people. It alone can reach those gay kids who need to know they have a future as a dignified human being with a family. It alone tells society that gay people are equal in their loves and in their hearts and in their families – not just useful in a society with a need for talented or able individuals whose private lives remain perforce sequestered from view.
This is why it remains the prize. And why our eyes must remain fixed upon it. In my view, the desperate nature of the current tactics against us, the blatant use of fear around children (which both worries parents and also stigmatizes gay people in one, deft swoop) are signs that what we are demanding truly, truly matters.
…
But guess what? Civil marriage is already here. It exists in several states already, it exists in the consciousness of an entire generation. It exists abroad in America’s closest neighbor and in America’s closest allies. The speed of the movement towards it is unprecedented in modern civil rights movements, even as it may seem crushingly slow to those who live under discrimination’s weight. These defeats – even narrow defeats as in California and Maine – should not discourage us. The desperation and fanaticism of our opponents proves they know that this is the crucial battleground. And they’re right.
But civil rights victories, the final and enduring ones, are always built on the foundations of defeats. Sometimes, the defeat of a minority’s sincere aspiration to equality helps reveal the injustice of the discrimination and the cruelty of the marginalization. Sometimes, it helps show just how poorly treated we are, and galvanizes a community to fight back more fiercely as we saw in that amazing march on DC last month. That has certainly been true of previous civil rights movements. It is just as true of ours.
So congrats, Maine Equality. You did a fine job. Congrats, HRC. You helped. No congrats to Obama who is treating this civil rights movement the way Kennedy first treated his. But we don’t need Obama.
We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. And we will win in due course, with a good spirit and keen arguments, and with passion and conviction in our hearts. We will win.
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Comment by A Free Man
5.11.2009 @ 05:31 am
I know. Especially since they expanded medical marijuana. So, I guess the gays and lesbians can drown their sorrow in pot smoke. I can’t figure out why so many people give a sjit enough about whether gays and lesbians can get married to vote for petty little legislation like the Maine measure. God I’m glad I don’t live in the Bigoted States of America anymore.
Comment by lisa
5.11.2009 @ 06:04 am
It’s Maine. Their population is dwindling and now they just alienated a portion of that population. Hello!?!?!
Comment by Jen
5.11.2009 @ 17:28 pm
i know – it’s ridiculous. i really thought they (as rebellious independent types) would let it stand
Comment by andrea
5.11.2009 @ 18:42 pm
i hate that just when things seem to be progressing, they are knocked down again. change is a slow creature.
Comment by Sarah
5.11.2009 @ 19:23 pm
As a Mainer, yesterday was a sad day. The reality is that compared to most other states in the country, the fact that it even went to a vote is actually very progressive. I’m disappointed in my state, but have a hard time swallowing some stereotypes being put on it with this issue.
The “Yes on 1″ ads showed exactly what this article is about. One of their assertions is that they *do* believe in equality, because gays get the same legal rights as married couples, they just shouldn’t get to be married. It was so unbelievably condescending, like gay couples should show gratitude for the rights they do have and not seek more.
I also agree with the article that this defeat is still a step in the right direction. I’ve heard it said that there is a danger of a backlash if suddenly many states start allowing gay marriage…as much as I prefer all equality in all states, I understand the reality that some battles may have to be lost in order to win the war. Though it’s sad we even have to battle for basic human rights in America.
Comment by Jen
5.11.2009 @ 19:31 pm
yeah, people are all too quick to forget that the Golden Rule of civil rights in the U.S. has long been “separate but equal is not equal”.
until that promise is fulfilled for *everyone*, for all civic institutions and laws, this fight will not go away.
nor should it – because one of the defining characteristics of the U.S. as a country is that we hold ourselves to a pretty high set of ideals. too often we as voters fail to live up to those enshrined ideals – that’s when it is necessary for the courts to step in.
i really think this fight needs to be taken to the courts – the next step should be an overturning of the defense of marriage act, which will clear the way for gay marriage to reach the supreme court.