at work today, i was talking with a casual work acquaintance about the upcoming trip to vancouver j and i have booked for february, and our plans for eventually moving there.

and out of the blue, she said to me, “you’ll make it happen. you’re good at making things happen.”

in the moment, i laughed it off – chalked it up to my well-proclaimed stubbornness. but i recognised something in that simple sentence that i never would have before – it rang deep, rang true.

in a few short weeks, i turn 35. which isn’t very remarkable unless you knew me when i was turning 30.

in the years leading up to my 30th birthday, i was in a crisis. i found myself at the bottom of the deepest possible rut – a trench i had dug for myself through inaction and inability to face my fears. i felt miserable and trapped, completely unable to change my circumstances.

on my birthday that year, there was a quote in the paper, which i cut out and have kept with me ever since:

“to be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

-e.e. cummings

and in the past five years i have completely reshaped my life, reshaped who i am – through sheer force of will. in the time since i turned 30, everything i have set out to achieve for myself, i have accomplished. everything i have committed to, everything i have desired. more than i allowed myself to even dream of before.

i have made my life real and full and joyful – and more than any one particular thing i have done, more than any single item i have ticked off my list, i am most proud of that.

i have become someone who is good at making things happen. i have become someone who is good at making her life happen.

feist – i feel it all

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