so i’ve spent the day filling out my “indefinite leave to remain” application. this is the last interaction with immigration i am legally required to have unless i elect to apply for citizenship (which i will, but not for another month or so yet).

as most of you know, i’ve had a few bad experiences with immigration in the past, which have left me traumatised. i no longer breeze through the queue at the airport with the confident assurance of someone with the right to enter the country. for the past 4 years, i have been but a visitor here, by the kind leave of the british government – a message which was driven home in the most direct way possible when i was physically escorted onto a plane home. yet even with those mental scars, i’ve always believed that a country has the right (and the duty) to impose whatever immigration restrictions they feel are necessary for the nation’s safety and well-being. they may not make *my* life any easier, but that doesn’t mean i don’t fully appreciate the need for them. and by any standard, the u.k.’s procedures are extremely reasonable and straightforward. even after my debacle, i was still allowed to come back and work and live – even if i did piss my pants every time i re-entered.

when i last visited the kind and lovely people at the immigration and nationality directorate in croydon, it was to apply for my spousal visa just after our wedding (i was here on a work permit prior to that, but a spousal visa gave me more job flexibility). i took jonno along for moral support, and lugged along a giant file full of documentation arranged and cross-indexed by any category they could possibly wish to see. and to be honest, i think the lady at the counter wanted to weep with joy for a customer who a) spoke english as a native language and b) came prepared to make her job easier. she took all of 4 minutes to photocopy and stamp her approval, sent us away to wait for the 2 hours to have the visa issued, and we were done by lunchtime. whew!

but “indefinite leave to remain” is a different kettle of fish altogether. where it is the last stop on the immigration train before becoming a permanent resident (with most of the same rights as a citizen except voting and passport), they tend to be a little more persnickety. when i last left the i.n.d. office, the woman reminded me that i should keep any and all documentation and post for the next two years. and so i have – that same file is about 3x bigger now. i have every bank statement, every phone bill, every pap smear reminder the doctor has ever sent… all in preparation for this day.

which is why i’ve spent the past 4 hours sitting crosslegged on the lounge floor, surrounded by a vast-yet-tidy sea of papers, trying to come up with the perfect combination of documents to satisfy the following criteria:

Evidence that you have the funds to maintain and accommodate yourself and any dependants
without recourse to public funds. The evidence must be formal documents such as bank
statements, a building society passbook, or wage slips for you and/or your partner (but please
don’t send us travellers cheques or credit cards). If a relative or friend is supporting you, the
evidence should be a letter from him/her confirming this together with formal documents
showing their financial situation (see Note 3).

Note 3: The documents showing the funds available to you should cover at least the last 3 months. We do not accept internet or
cashpoint statements as evidence of funds.

We need documentary evidence indicating that you and your partner are still living together as a couple and have done so during the past two years. Ideally, this evidence should indicate joint commitments in your finances, other responsibilities and social activities spread across the past 2 years/ 24 months.

Items of correspondence or other documentary evidence from sources of the kind listed below would be acceptable. These should be divided fairly equally between each of the two years, and be addressed jointly in both your names wherever possible. If you do not have any or enough in your joint names, items addressed to each of you individually may be acceptable, provided they show the same address and you provide roughly the same number of items in each of your names. The items of evidence should be from at least 5 different official sources. Ideally, a total of 20 items of evidence should be provided.

• telephone bills or statements
• gas bills or statements
• electricity bills or statements
• water rates bills or statements
• council tax bills or statements
• mortgage statements or agreement
• bank or building society statements/passbooks
• tenancy agreement
• insurance policies/certificates or other correspondence
• loan agreements
• AA, RAC or similar membership
• membership of sports or social clubs
• membership of a religious organisation
• correspondence from government departments or agencies (eg HM Revenue and Customs, Inland Revenue, Department for
Work and Pensions) including evidence that you have declared your relationship to the appropriate government bodies.
• correspondence from GP or local health authority

Mind you, this is not exactly *hard* – particularly since i paid attention, and therefore was warned well in advance (as opposed to other expats i know who were unpleasantly surprised!) but it is laboriously time consuming. boiling 2 years of marriage down to 20 documents is a depressingly robotic exercise. as far as the home office is concerned, my marriage is not the sum of the dreams and tears we’ve faithfully invested in making our relationship work, day in, day out. to them, it is nothing more than the sum of what can be proven through institutionalised behaviour – putting money in the bank, paying taxes, registering births. more depressing is trying to decide if i should go the cheap route (£335 by post – but entrusting the Royal Mail with my passports and application and original documents) or the in-person route (£500 and a day off work). I’m spoilt for choice, i tell ya.

still, after 3 work permit applications, one forced removal, one spousal visa, and several dreadful knotted stomachs at heathrow – after 4 years of stringing visa upon visa toegther, there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel. after this, i will no longer be a temporary tolerated guest, but an acknowledged permanent resident. after the years of mixed feelings, difficult adjustments, and nerve-wracking experiences, i will have earned through my persistence, my stubbornness, my sacrifice, the *right* to live here indefinitely.

should ease a few butterflies in the immigration queue at the airport.

song of the day: wilco – box full of letters

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