exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london

hiatus

by Jen at 10:08 pm on 12.04.2006 | 2 Comments
filed under: world tour

gentle reader –

Well, given that we’re off on our world tour in 2 days, pretty much anything I have to write about at this point is going to be about our trip! we continue to make the rounds of “goodbyes”, which is a little sad.

so, “jen’s den” will officially be on hiatus for the next 6 months. (

but – please come read about our adventures, check out our travel pictures, and send your well-wishes over at our travelog blog, “postcards from the edge”.

take bets on who gets the most exotic disease, where we’ll get lost, and which of us will be the first to file for divorce!

until then, surf the archives, be nice, and play fair.

see you in 24 weeks!

lots of love,
jen

Postcards From the Edge

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the credits

by Jen at 12:43 am on Comments Off
filed under: family and friends, world tour

now that we’re saying goodbye to people, it’s all starting to feel very real. and i don’t think that i have as yet properly acknowledged the help and assistance of all the friends and family who made this possible. like kim and andy, who lent us a freeview box which made the last 10 months more tolerable, who generously agreed to watch after most of our shit for the next six months, and who have been so steadfast and inspiring in so many ways, from inception to culmination.

like kerryn and tracey – who kept our “social calendar” on life support by continually asking us to do stuff, no matter how often we turned them down. by agreeing time and again to hang out with us, having a homemade dinner and watching a dvd on a saturday night, and calling it “entertainment”. By letting us invade their space with our luggage and live in their lounge these past two weeks. lending us their car. lending us their furniture. being more supportive than anyone has a right to ask their friends to be.

like my expat and other “traveller” friends, who have showed us how it’s done, shared their knowledge, shown genuine interest and excitement for us, and helped keep everything in perspective when it all just seemed too much to endure.

like the families. who have put aside their trepidation in order to be enthusiatic and excited cheerleaders. who have shown their caring and consideration in innumerable ways. who we will miss so very much, and who will think of us, worry about us while we are gone, and keep the homefires burning until we return safely.

thank you all. i cannot thank you enough. we could never have gotten this far alone.

and we will never be alone – for you are with us always.

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it’s just deja vu all over again

by Jen at 8:56 pm on 10.04.2006 | 1 Comment
filed under: rant and rage

the washington post says:

The Bush administration is studying options for military strikes against Iran as part of a broader strategy of coercive diplomacy to pressure Tehran to abandon its alleged nuclear development program, according to U.S. officials and independent analysts.

Although a land invasion is not contemplated, military officers are weighing alternatives ranging from a limited airstrike aimed at key nuclear sites, to a more extensive bombing campaign designed to destroy an array of military and political targets.

bush says:

“By the way I read the articles in the newspapers and it was just wild speculation… What you’re reading is wild speculation.”

iran says:

“Our enemies know that they can’t cause a minute’s pause in our nation’s motion forward. Unfortunately today some bullying powers are unable to give up their bullying nature. The future will prove that our path was a right way.”

why am i having flashbacks?

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rights v. relativism

by Jen at 6:50 pm on Comments Off
filed under: mutterings and musings

the guardian this weekend poses the question: are you a universalist or relativist?

Are you U or non-U? By which I mean, are you a universalist or a relativist? Forget left and right; the defining political divide of the global era is between those who believe that some moral rights and freedoms ought to be universal and those who argue that each culture to its own. This new frontline of contemporary debate runs across issues as diverse as race, faith, multiculturalism, feminism, gay rights, freedom of speech and foreign policy. In each instance, the argument eventually comes down to whether you have a universalist or relativist view of the world.

Universalists argue that certain rights and protections – freedom of speech, democracy, the rule of law – are common or, at least, should be available to all people. Relativists maintain that different cultures have different values and that it’s impossible to say that one system or idea is better than another and, moreover, it’s racist to try.

it’s an interesting question, and one that will continue to come up with increasing frequency in a world where the most powerful nations profess to respect all faiths and beliefs, yet their political actions often speak volumes to the contrary.

and i don’t think the answer is as simple as one generic classification or another, just as the moral issues involved are not so easily defined. i think these are both extreme ideas at the ends of a very long continuum. certainly my political beliefs do not sit squarely in on camp or the other.

for myself, i believe the ideas of personal freedom and political democracy are lovely ideals to aspire to, but ones which even the most egalitarian societies like the u.s. and the u.k. have yet to fully realise. to hold ourselves up as defenders of the absolute moral great and good is the most egotistical kind of hypocrisy. and if we’ve not yet achieved it, how can we possibly condemn others for their failures.

yet i don’t think all issues of human rights can be viewed through a lens of cultural relativism either. while my westernised thinking finds cannibalism abhorrent, i don’t think it’s *only* because I’ve grown up with the motto of “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness”. i’d like to think that even if i were a member of a cannibalistic society i’d be just as upset to have my mother killed and eaten in the jungle, as if the same thing happened in boston.

i guess the best way to describe my belief would be that there is a spectrum of progress along which all societies must progress. and that they must do so of their own volition. change impose from without is never as lasting as change generated from within – which is why i think that invasion and attack in order to “free” people from oppression and dictatorship is never the preferred option. it is only through struggle and uprising that people learn to cherish and preserve those beliefs and ideals for which they have sacrificed so much. and perhaps that sounds harsh, but i think it’s the only way that real, permanent human rights become inculcated into a society without a sense of cultural disconnect. without the resentment that comes with having another’s ideals proscribed as your own.

i *do* think most people yearn for the freedoms which westernised countries have so neatly claimed as the moral high ground. but i think that each nation, each neighbourhood, each individual, must get there by their own path, in their own time. and to pretend that we’ve somehow perfected the definition and protection of human rights is sheer hubris.

instead, we should concentrate on leading by example. because we all have a long way to go.

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mmmmm. lard.

by Jen at 10:09 pm on 9.04.2006Comments Off
filed under: blurblets, mundane mayhem

made a full sunday roasted dinner this evening for our gracious househost.

you gotta love a menu so unapologetically stodgy that it calls for cooking with lard. because you can try making roasties** without it. but really, it’s the only way.

**roasted potatoes which are crispy on the outside, yet floury and fluffy on the inside

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expats in the news

by Jen at 4:01 pm on | 3 Comments
filed under: londonlife, mutterings and musings

interesting article in this weekend’s financial times on the experience of the american immigrant to the u.k. – several people from my expat forum were interviewed for the piece. (the full article requires subscription, so i’ll quote it liberally here.)

In 2004, the latest year for which figures are available, the 4,120 Americans given indefinite leave to remain in the UK easily outnumbered the 3,115 Bangladeshis granted permanent residence, even though Bangladesh has long been seen as one of the biggest sources of immigration to Britain. Americans also outnumbered the 3,825 Somalis, the 3,240 Australians, the 2,930 Jamaicans, the 2,315 Chinese, the 1,725 Iranians and the 1,720 Iraqis.

According to an analysis of the latest available census data by the Institute for Public Policy Research, a London-based think-tank, there were about 155,000 US-born people living in Britain in 2001, outnumbering all other migrant groups except those from the Irish Republic, India, Pakistan, Germany and the Caribbean…

…Yet the surprise, surely, is that any Americans move to Britain at all. While American brides may have a long tradition of settling with British husbands – Nancy Astor, Wallis Simpson and Madonna, to name a few – why would other Americans want to leave the land of plenty for a grim, drab and relatively poor little island with leaden skies, high prices and appalling food?

…But Americans who choose to settle in the UK have very different reasons for staying. They like the schools, the long holidays and the multiculturalism. They like Britain’s proximity to other countries and the sense of being connected with the rest of the world. Some even like the weather (but not the food – “bland, tasteless and boiled or fried to death”). And, at least for those outside London, one of Britain’s biggest attractions turns out to be the National Health Service.

…Still, expensive as London may be, census figures show that London’s American-born population shot up by 37 per cent to nearly 45,000 in the 10 years to 2001…

…What of those who settle in Britain for reasons other than marriage? Some, you might say, are political refugees. Paula Higgins, a noted musicologist, gave up a tenured professorship at the University of Notre Dame to take a chair in music and become head of department at Nottingham University. An avowed feminist and far-left liberal, she says a big factor in her decision to move was “the almost intolerable political climate in the US, as well as the increasingly oppressive infiltration of rightwing conservatism into the university I was working at, which was at one time a citadel of left-wing concerns with social justice issues”.

Others, however, simply weigh up the American way of life against the British way and decide they prefer the British one.

“I think people have a misconception about what it’s like to live in America,” says Tracy Abrusci, a nurse and single mother from Chicago who now lives and works in Birmingham. “People think the streets are paved with gold and everybody lives in these big houses and drives these big cars and nobody has any worries, when the reality is a lot of people are struggling.”

She says people work far harder in the US – more hours per week and more weeks a year, plus they have a heavier workload. And life is much more precarious. “If you lose your job, there is nothing to fall back on. If you’re a relatively healthy, middle-aged man, you’re not going to get any benefit at all. They just give you a list of shelters.”

…Meta Jamison, who moved with her husband Brian from Orlando, Florida, to Southampton, Hampshire, where they both work at the university, says: “I think the way of life here is a bit more real; not quite as work-driven and consumerism-driven. In the US I felt like my whole life centred around working, working, working, knowing that if I worked at the same job for one year I may get a week off, whereas here there’s more of a sense that work is not everything.”

this is all very interesting for me. many of the expats i know moved here to be with their brit spouses, and i think it makes for a much different experience to have that built in safety net of family when the going gets tough (as it invariably does). as a single person who moved over just for the hell of it, i learned a whole lot about the meaning of self-reliance when things got really difficult. truthfully, i’m still not quite sure how i did it sometimes except through sheer stubbornness. but i do know that it made me a stronger person for it. still – sometimes i find it hard to identify with other expats because of that difference. if i’m honest, a tiny part of me is bitter that they had it easier than i did. and a little part of me is also proud of having made it on my own. it’s very true though, that when i first arrived everyone did seem flummoxed that i would have electively moved here of my own accord. they were genuinely surprised that i might think the grass to be greener on this side of the pond. and if my only real knowledge of america came from what i saw on the telly, i might wonder the same. but it was an odd sensation to feel that i had to defend my choices or substantiate my rationale for wanting to live somewhere outside the borders of the good ol’ u. s. of a.

but i’ve found that most of the sentiments of the article really ring true for me – some of the things that i find most gratifying about living here have to do with the political climate, the social benefits, and the work-life balance. i still find it incredibly refreshing that when i go to the doctor, i can walk in and out without ever once opening my wallet. i love being able to go from country to country the way i used to travel from state to state. i love the fact that politicians are continually held to a higher level of scrutiny and accountability. i like working to live, rather than living to work. for example, i could never make the kind of trip i’m getting ready to embark upon if i were still living in the u.s. The idea that i could just drop out of work and society to take six months off and go sightseeing is nearly unheard of in the states.

the u.k. is by no means a utopia – but it ain’t too shabby, either.

in any case, it’s nice to know that i’m no longer as alone as i once was. i only hope we don’t ruin the place.

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reason number 5002 why i love my husband

by Jen at 12:37 pm on 7.04.2006 | 1 Comment
filed under: now *that's* love

upon hearing me bitch about being bored for the umpteenth time, grabs my bandanna, puts it between his legs and pretends to floss/do a fan dance striptease (in his little b-boy outfit of baggy jeans and baseball cap) just to make me laugh.

also sings “the fishie dishie song”* on command, or whenever the marks and sparks advert comes on.


*
Dance to thy Daddy,
sing to thy Mammy,
dance to thy Daddy,
to thy Mammy sing.

Thou shalt have a fishy
on a little dishy,
Thou shalt have a fishy
when the boat comes in.

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worry wart

by Jen at 9:55 am on Comments Off
filed under: mundane mayhem, world tour

Woke up a little anxious, after having a dream in which an old, old issue was resolved – but not in the way i had hoped. and if you can’t get biased closure in your own dreams, where can you get it?

but also, i think i’m just feeling a bit unprepared. today is the first day since leaving work that we have no errands to run, and i feel like i should be *doing* something. what, exactly, i have no idea. what else do you do 7 days before you travel around the world? i’ve given myself the task of putting music on my ipod. a fascinating exercise – what was I *thinking* when I bought that janet jackson album??!

i don’t know – it’s difficult to know just how much i should be winging it. j made fun of me the other day, as i was re-organising my pack. i’m taking a 35 litre pack, which is only slightly larger than an oversized book bag. i deliberately chose something quite small to keep me from overpacking (and thus keep the number of instances where i chuck it off in tears and despair to a minimum.) but then i was asking him about travel towels (microfiber ultralight quicky-dry thingies) and he just laughed. i only have a single guidebook about china since that’s all i can carry at any one time, but am worried about not knowing enough about the other 12 countries. i know you learn as you go along, but surely i should have at least an *idea* of what I want to see? do i really want to get to laos without having a clue?

a few weeks ago, i wrote this in an email to a friend:

I’m finding myself surprisingly laissez faire about the whole thing. All I’ve really done so far is flick through an old Lonely PLanet on China. I suppose I’m bearing in mind that aside from the 2 or 3 things I really HAVE to see, I just want to *experience* it all. Y’know, I am convinced that the reason I was so blown away by Rome is because I didn’t even bother to open a guidebook before I got there. So I felt like my eyes were completely fresh to everything. I want that kind of experience. Some friends of our just got back from 6 months in S America… and I’m suddenly acutely aware of just how quickly this once-in-a-lifetime trip will pass.

i don’t know – i’m overthinking all this. where did that chilled out person go? i’ve done very well to remain relaxed and casual about the whole thing so far, but with the realisation that there’s a week left, i am starting to stress a little. j is overly relaxed – and that makes me a bit anxious as well.

but really, if i had to get on a plane tomorrow, i could. there’s nothing i need that i can’t buy on the road. nothing i have to do that couldn’t be done long distance if necessary. it’s a waiting game and i’m *looking* for things to worry about. sigh.

i’m practicing living out of my pack, which makes for some interesting hair days. i finally got a haircut the other day, as i’d not had one in more than 6 months whilst trying to grow it out. because unfortunately when i got it chopped last summer, it foolishly had not occurred to me that i would need to be able to pull it into a ponytail for the trip. hairstyles that you have to actually wash and “do” every day are very cute when you have your own bathroom and access to hot water, but aren’t really all that suitable when you don’t know where your next shower is coming from. when you have limited space, what’s the *one* single styling product you’d bring? I’m going with aveda wax. i have a feeling my bandannas are going to get a lot of use.

what about rain – do you bring an umbrella? or a waterproof jacket? do you really need a pack cover? will I be warm enough with just the fleece? or should I bring the wool cardigan that will be difficult to wash? do i spend £60 to get my malaria tablets here or wait and get them for cheap in bangkok? what if I have side effects?

see, these are the silly things i’m worried about. argh, i’m just in limbo and at loose ends – which doesn’t make for interesting blogging, so i’ll stop there.

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maxing and relaxing

by Jen at 1:20 pm on 5.04.2006Comments Off
filed under: londonlife, mundane mayhem

I know I’ve been a bad blogger lately. friday was the last day of work – a tremendous relief, even as they were already trying to bribe me back in six months time by offering me a promotion. my leaving do (which I had been dreading, since i avoid any occasion for extra attention like the plague) was actually lovely – a bunch of people turned out, and the wine was flowing freely. why do you have to leave a place before you realise how much you were valued?

then we had the big clear out over the weekend. even though most everything was already packed away, it was all about cleaning and dealing with odds and ends. for example, i know I will never remember that my blue purse got thrown in with the dvd player because it was the last box that hadn’t been sealed up yet. you’re so at loose ends that after a certain point you start just staring blankly at the last few boxes, having moved them from one room to the next 3 times, and wonder how on earth anyone ever gets *out* of a place. and then there’s the guilt, because no matter how organised an approach you take (sifting our stuff to be donated to friends, charity shops, recycled) in the throes of end-stage chaos, you just start chucking shit into rubbish bags because you don’t know what else to do with it, and frankly, you no longer give a flying fuck. and I know I am going straight to hell for throwing perfectly good food in the trash, and it serves me right that i only had to turn around and buy more anyway.

in any case, that was most of the weekend. since then, i’ve been more social than i have in ages! sunday i met up with a friend for a long lunch of moules frites and some great conversation. monday i met up with a colleague (who’s also leaving the council) and we had drinks and dinner to celebrate the end of our working relationship, but start of a friendship. all in all, it’s been about “maxing and relaxing”, with the errant errand thrown in here and there. soaking up the decadence of being gainfully unemployed, which feels wonderful.

there are things i am realising I will miss – some is silly stuff like my pillow, and some is more intangible, like the view from my office over the thames. there is some stuff, however, that i will not miss for even one second. like the tube. this morning, we went down to the chinese embassy bright and early to apply for our visas. we were up and out of the house by 7:30, hoping to get there for the front of the queue. there was some kind of kerfuffle in the ticketing area, where they weren’t letting people through the gates for a few minutes – not a good sign. then boarding the train, it was already fairly full – also not a good omen at that time of the morning. we stuttered our way all the way to stockwell station, smooshed up against the doors, me with my face buried in j’s armpit. at stockwell, the platform for the victoria line was aleady packed – pure aggravation. we waited 6 minutes for the next train, and getting on was an exercise in assertiveness training. my “inner new yorker” surfaced, and I forced my way on. but several stops later, there was a girl who boarded by basically moshing – throwing the whole weight of her body into me multiple times, even though she had actually created quite a bit of personal space for herself. i swear, i nearly punched her in the face. by that point i was so aggro, i was a hair’s breadth away from grabbing her ponytail and ripping it off her stupid little head. holy shit, i have never been that close to picking a fistfight in my life, and the saving grace was that we got off at the next stop. i’m not usually a shrinking violet when it comes to confrontation, but i really couldn’t trust myself to speak. poor j, on the other hand, got quite an earful when we finally made it out. bless him – sometimes it think he doesn’t quite know what he got himself into, marrying me!

the bright spot of the day was buying a nice pair of sunnies, which i’ve needed for ages. buying sunglasses is always so difficult for me – they’re always either giagundo like huge bug-eye glasses with that awful metallic sheen, or too small like some kind of swimming goggles. i can’t be trusted with anything too pricey, as i will inevitably lose or sit on them. (i know, i know – i am a full grown adult and one would hope i could care for something as simple as a moderately priced pair of sunglasses… but one would be wrong.) so although j has had an expensive pair of titanium oakleys for several years, i really can’t buy anything i can’t afford to lose.

but, wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles – i found some i actually like!

on another note: there’s been a bunch of adverts for the brasilian “brahma” beer in the tube lately, and for some reason i find them vaguely disturbing…



but i’ve finally figured out why!

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ortonesque

by Jen at 10:26 pm on 3.04.2006Comments Off
filed under: tunage

recently rediscovering my love of beth orton

the podcast is here

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it’s here! it’s here!

by Jen at 7:46 am on Comments Off
filed under: blurblets, this sporting life

the second most important day of the year for any bostonian…

opening day at fenway.

sox

(photo courtesy of boston.com)

sox meet the rangers today at 2pm EST, and offices all over the city will be empty.

i’ll be listening here, determined to get in as much sox-iness as possible before we leave.

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Amelia louise

by Jen at 11:12 am on 2.04.2006Comments Off
filed under: family and friends, photo

congrats to amity and her new daughter amelia!

amity

With lots of love,
Jen

1 person likes this post.
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triple double luck

by Jen at 7:37 pm on 1.04.2006Comments Off
filed under: blurblets

never found a double yolked egg in my life – and suddenly three double yolked eggs over the past two weekends.

that’s gotta be a good omen, right?

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