I’m so glad I’m not one of *those* brides. You know the kind. They spend a year planning a wedding. Every particular detail has to be perfect. They pore over choice of ringbearer pillow, debate between rice and bubbles, worry that not having a garter will be too “untraditional”. The minutia to obsess over are endless: colour schemes, churches, garters, hairstyles, favours, flowers, menus, readings, reception venues, bands, bridal showers… etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum. Panic over videographer fees, rehearsal dinner seating charts, programmes for the ceremony, who’s allergic to shrimp, matching fabric swatches, how to decide who takes the centrepieces home. True alarm over the dyed shoes being the wrong shade, forgetting the chocolates for the guest baskets, getting the wrong china gravy boat from Aunt Jean.

I want to shake these people, slap them a la Cher in “Moonstruck” and say, “Snap outta it!”. The truth is, none of this stuff matters. The details you pour your energy into, are not the things you will remember. The whole day is a blur, and the stuff that sticks in your memory in never the stuff you think it will be. From my previous wedding, I remember: bursting into tears as my sis came up to me crying after the ceremony; looking at the coloured paper
lanterns we’d hung and thinking they were really pretty; having people keep handing me plates of food, and eating exactly one bite then wandering off to say
hi to someone else; a sunshower just as we were leaving the park and the rainbow and deer afterward; getting home afterward, and being starving (all our
fridge having been cleared out for reception food), it being 11:00 on a Sunday evening, the last thing open a pizza place with one sad little slice of pizza
and one calzone left, and laughing about our “wedding meal” for ages.

The rest is a blur, and then suddenly it’s over. After a couple of weeks, life goes back to normal, and if you’ve spent every day working on wedding plans, suddenly there’s nothing there to fill that void. There’s no more special parties, no more fuss, no big date to look forward to. You can get so wrapped up in all the activity and attention, that when it’s over you feel let down.

A wedding is one day in your life. A marriage is every day of your life. it’s nice to have a pretty celebration, but the perfect wedding won’t give you the perfect life. In the grand scheme of things, the groomsmen boutonnieres, or the handmade paper invitations are pretty trivial.

So although I get frustrated with trying to find the right pair of shoes (argh!), I’m grateful I’ve gone through this before, and can keep things in perspective. All that really matters is committing to each other. More importantly, following that committment through.

(Besides – no one will see my shoes under the long skirt anyway, right?)

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