exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london

tipsy & topsy

by J at 8:35 pm on 30.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: family and friends, londonlife, photo

busy busy weekend, which passed in a flash.

i bargained my way out of a traditional “hen’s night” (thank god) in lieu of a girl’s night out with angela, clare, pasadi, and sue. getting to clerkenwell was a mission and a half, with the southern part of the northern line out of commission. i had to take a bus to earlsfield, take a train from earlsfield to waterloo, take the northern line to king’s cross, and the metropolitan to farringdon. hung out at the three kings pub (site of last year’s infamous nye party, where i drank, danced, puked and snogged) until closing, then headed down the street to the “evergreen party” at the amazing tardis venue. set behind an anonymous wooden gate, it’s half open air/half train trestle alcoves, with candles and trees and a live parrot (how angela always seems to find these places set in train trestles, *I* don’t know!). it’s been ages since i went dancing, and was sorely missed – we partied til after 3 and i rolled home very tired and tipsy, which is surely the sign of a good night out.

up early saturday morning to do some errands, one of which was getting j’s wedding ring re-sized (i ordered it from the states, due to the very favourable exchange rate, but got the wrong size). absolutely certain i remembered where the shop was, we spent ages wandering knightsbridge saying “hmmm, this doesn’t look familiar, do you remember this?” finally found it (all the way down at green park!), grabbed some sushi, and headed home, so j could go meet up at his friend’s bachelor party in covent garden. i spent the evening reading, and j fell into bed sometime in the wee hours of the morning a bit worse for the wear.

up early again sunday for an obligatory visit with the very sweet but extraordinarily garrulous Aunt Muriel (nickname “Topsy”). She’s my grandfather’s cousin, who lives in Piddington-on-Oxford, and when we last visited in the summer, she kindly served the most atrocious homemade Sunday dinner ever massacred in the history of kitchens. Luckily, this time, she offered to take us out to the pub, and invited along several other relations of her deceased husband for a relaxed and convivial roast dinner at the local. it was a very nice afternoon, all in all, with some lovely people, but with nearly 2 hours travel time each way, a very long day. came home and crashed out with some “west wing” to recover sufficiently for the beginning of a new work week.

some pics of topsy & co. below


linda and rob

muriel and john

muriel, jen, and jonno

linda and john

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wednesday is hump day

by J at 5:57 pm on 26.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: eclectica

to get you over:

why spongebob squarepants will turn your child gay

why you never want to go to jail in thailand – want the whole world to see you soiling yourself?

if you are feeling low (perhaps a result of the recent “most depressing day”), feel better knowing at least you haven’t sunk to tonya harding’s level. she seems to be hitting the oreos a little too much as well. is that catty? i don’t care.

is it sick that I want to make this? twinkie sushi. also chocolate sushi. and more chocolate sushi. Sushi – it’s not just for eels anymore!

bill gates does a sexy photo spread

that should be enough to tide you over til tomorrow – and it’s all downhill from there.

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all fired up yet?

by J at 10:09 pm on 25.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: rant and rage

Been a while since i ranted and raved about the good ol’ u.s. of a., and I figure it’s long overdue, so here you go…

read it for yourself: the new yorker’s hersch on the u.s. plans for iran

why the american way of life is doomed to become obsolete (thanks for the link, a)

More money for killing

New record budget deficit

“I really don’t like being lied to repeatedly, flagrantly, intentionally”. related: that’s *my* senator

meanwhile, bush bursts the bubble of the hubble

and test your piss-poor geography (for which I blame my inadequate ameri-centric educational system)

and totally unrelated, except that I miss snow – cape cod had 3 feet of snow in the latest blizzard. my sis was under a blanket, eating nachos and watching the patriots, with snow drifts up to her window.

looks to be a long week ahead, so bundle up, break out the jd, and stay warm.

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those my boys!

by J at 9:08 pm on 24.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: blurblets, this sporting life

headed back to the superbowl, baby!!

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do shoes really matter?

by J at 5:47 pm on 18.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: mutterings and musings

I’m so glad I’m not one of *those* brides. You know the kind. They spend a year planning a wedding. Every particular detail has to be perfect. They pore over choice of ringbearer pillow, debate between rice and bubbles, worry that not having a garter will be too “untraditional”. The minutia to obsess over are endless: colour schemes, churches, garters, hairstyles, favours, flowers, menus, readings, reception venues, bands, bridal showers… etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum. Panic over videographer fees, rehearsal dinner seating charts, programmes for the ceremony, who’s allergic to shrimp, matching fabric swatches, how to decide who takes the centrepieces home. True alarm over the dyed shoes being the wrong shade, forgetting the chocolates for the guest baskets, getting the wrong china gravy boat from Aunt Jean.

I want to shake these people, slap them a la Cher in “Moonstruck” and say, “Snap outta it!”. The truth is, none of this stuff matters. The details you pour your energy into, are not the things you will remember. The whole day is a blur, and the stuff that sticks in your memory in never the stuff you think it will be. From my previous wedding, I remember: bursting into tears as my sis came up to me crying after the ceremony; looking at the coloured paper
lanterns we’d hung and thinking they were really pretty; having people keep handing me plates of food, and eating exactly one bite then wandering off to say
hi to someone else; a sunshower just as we were leaving the park and the rainbow and deer afterward; getting home afterward, and being starving (all our
fridge having been cleared out for reception food), it being 11:00 on a Sunday evening, the last thing open a pizza place with one sad little slice of pizza
and one calzone left, and laughing about our “wedding meal” for ages.

The rest is a blur, and then suddenly it’s over. After a couple of weeks, life goes back to normal, and if you’ve spent every day working on wedding plans, suddenly there’s nothing there to fill that void. There’s no more special parties, no more fuss, no big date to look forward to. You can get so wrapped up in all the activity and attention, that when it’s over you feel let down.

A wedding is one day in your life. A marriage is every day of your life. it’s nice to have a pretty celebration, but the perfect wedding won’t give you the perfect life. In the grand scheme of things, the groomsmen boutonnieres, or the handmade paper invitations are pretty trivial.

So although I get frustrated with trying to find the right pair of shoes (argh!), I’m grateful I’ve gone through this before, and can keep things in perspective. All that really matters is committing to each other. More importantly, following that committment through.

(Besides – no one will see my shoes under the long skirt anyway, right?)

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monday moan

by J at 5:48 pm on 17.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: londonlife, mundane mayhem

Another Monday rolls around. For those of you following the countdown, only 3 and a half weeks before we leave for our wedding trip to South Africa. The weekend itself was pretty quiet – trying to give the wallets a rest until our trip. We did, however, go out for drinks and Yahtzee with Kerryn, Tracey and Chris (ever try to throw dice in an ashtray?), a decidedly more sophisticated twist on just drinking to fall over. Saturday and Sunday were very quiet, just doing some shopping and cleaning.

Anyway, there are many things I love about London, but seeing as how this is Monday, and I just had to brave the moving sardine can which is the tube, I’ve got a few gripes to rant about. None of these are new peeves, and I’ve probably already written about them here before, but if you can be a self-indulgent whinging loser in a blog, where can you be?

In no particular order:

1. Mixer taps – where hot and cold *come out of the same tap*, providing a delightfully endless variety of shades of warm. They exist in all the bathtubs, why not sinks? This is not a newfangled technology, folks. Since I have very cold-sensitive teeth, and the alternative would send my nerves into painful overdrive, I get to start every morning running my toothbrush under hot water. Perhaps sterilising one’s toothbrush prior to use is a good thing, but it’s about as appealing as drinking a cup of cocoa in the middle of a desert.

2. Reality shows – the endless fascination with these is unbelievable. Where reality tv had it’s heyday in the States about 3 years ago, the trend continues unchecked here, like a demented runaway train. Big brother, couples competing to renovate flats, celebrities trapped in a jungle, celebrities competing to become chefs, celebrities competing to see who can take best (or worst)care of a fake infant, celebrities swapping wives. The only thing bigger than reality tv is reality tv featuring celebrities (and I use that term very loosely indeed). There seems to be no end to the list of contrived reality shows they are willing to foist upon the viewing public.

3. The tube – what passes for transportation here, is in fact, the most poorly run public service I have had the misfortune to ever encounter. Half of the ire is due to the service, or lack thereof. Trains constantly delayed, reduced, or missing altogether when drivers fail to show up for work. In the face of ever increasing fares, we are constantly apologised to for signal faults, staffing shortages, and weather delays. I pay £3 every day, with a) no guarantee that the train will be running at all, and b) that it will get me anywhere on time. It’s like the lottery – you buy your ticket and you take your chances.

The other half of my ire is directed at the massive failure of the Brits to grasp even the basics of crowd etiquette. The tube, surprisingly enough, is shaped like a tube. Which means the trains are very narrow, yet curved at the outside. The people who get on first, get seats. Fair enough. The people who get on after the seats are taken, all congregate by the doors. This is because they are afraid when the train gets more crowded, they will be uable to get off, if they are in the middle. Which means that the people who get on subsequently, are also required to bunch up at the doors. After a few stops, the people sitting, or brave enough to stand in the middle of the carriage, have all the space in the world. Whilst the ever-increasing pressurised logjam at the doors, means that people are literally fighting to cram themselves on, as otherers are fighting desperately to get off. This creates further panic, meaning people are even more reluctant to move towards the middle – it’s a frightening catch 22 which gets worse every day. And due to the curved outward shape, it is possible to squeeze on a number of people who were never meant to be able to get on – as long as you are willing to hunch yourself into a doubled-over face-to-ass position, you can squeeze into a space no human was meant to stand in. By the time we get to my stop (not even yet approching the centre of the city), there are people on the platforms who sit and watch train after train go by, fully rammed to the gills. Which creates crowded platforms – a dangerous situation that london underground staff remedy by creating holding areas at the turnstiles. When these get too full, they creating waiting areas outside the tube station.

You can show up, wait to get inside the station, wait to get through the turnstiles, wait to get on a train, smoosh for a 30+ minute journey, and still arrive at work late. All this for the affordable equivalent of $6 US, per day.

Okay, that’s enough for today. Here’s hoping your week is off to a better start than mine.

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hitting the slopes. literally.

by J at 7:49 pm on 10.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: classic, photo, this sporting life, travelology

spent a ski weekend in france, with myself, j, kerryn, tracey, and chris, which was just unbelievable. we left early friday morning, arriving in toulouse around 10, hired a car, and drove about 120 km to saint lary, at the foot of the pyrenees on the france/spain border. we dropped our stuff at the hostel we were staying at, and headed straight for the slopes, eager to try snowboarding for the first time.

the first mission was hiring equipment. the ski resort, like the region itself, was not actually much of a tourist destination, and although most everyone spoke fluent french and spanish, no one spoke a single word of english. our rather hilarious form of communication for the weekend, therefore, was pieced together from the smattering of french chris and i knew, and my extremely rusty spanish, and mostly consisted of bastardized spanglish, franglish, spench (an advanced technique combining spanish and french in the same sentence), and terribly bad mime. ddding to the mayhem, since the resort was purely for locals, there were few amenities for novices (like clothing hire, or lockers) and trying to decide if we rode “regulaire” or “goofy”, our french shoe sizes, and navigating unfamiliar protocols, made for many moments of unintentional hilarity.

after managing to hire equipment, get tickets, and suit up (looking extremely dorky in our totally unpractical jeans), we decided to take a crack at practicing ourselves before our tutorial lesson. on the low end of the nursery slope, we struggled to stand without having our feet fly out from underneath us, squealed in terror when we actually started moving, and either stopped by plopping down in a most undignified manner, or embarrassingly took out small villages of innocent bystanders before crashing into netting/trees/the carpark below.

finally, it was time for our lesson. our instructor, bless him, had massive reserves of patience, but a miniscule english vocabulary bank. which meant that he mainly had to resort to infinite repetition of a few key phrases to try to get his point across (”you must tuuuurrrrnn de bodie, and press wit you knee”, “look where you going, and flexxx”, “not turn de bird, but turrrrnnnn de bodie”). to his much-earned credit, he did managed to impart the very basics, keep a straight face as we fell time and time again on the button lift, and save the lives of several small toddlers on the hill, as we hurtled helplessly toward the petrified little cherubs.

after a humiliating, yet entertaining afternoon on the hill, we headed for the hostel, for a much needed hot shower (most of us now wearing baggy-assed sopping wet jeans) and some dinner.

the hostel itself was warm and welcoming, with an “our home is your home” philosophy, and a familial, communal feel. the rooms were warm and clean, the kitchen open to anyone at any hour, hearty group dinners with flowing wine and plenty of conversation, a lounge/bar for playing games or just relaxing after a long day on the slopes, and an open, trusting honour system for just about everything.

after a big dinner of soup and salad, fish and rice, wine and cheese, coffee and lychee fruit, we relaxed with a few beers and some rousing ping pong, before hitting the sack and falling immediately unconscious.

awoke the next morning just in time for the tail end of breakfast (bowls of café au lait, bread and jam, fresh fruit), put together some meat and cheese sandwiches on crusty bread for our lunch, and headed off for a second day on the slopes, stopping at a flea market along the way to buy some much-needed waterproof pants, and some gigantic “muffins”.

this time, we went to a second ski station in the same cluster, with more green slopes, plenty of practice space, and more services. after finally getting ourselves together, kitted out, and on the snow, we spent a few hours trying to master the tow rope and control a backside turn, we braved the chair lift leading to a much longer and steeper slope. it was quickly apparent that we had overestimated our skills, but we persisted, no matter how often we wiped out coming off the lift, how much our thighs burned from having to seesaw our long way down back-side, how many spectacular head-over-heels cartwheels we did. taking a short lunch break, we went again and again and again. i got really frustrated. baby slopes which i could easily do on skis, were a trial on a snowboard, and i was wishing wholeheartedly i had taken up the sport at 19, when i could bounce back with more spring. after initially feeling like it was coming naturally to me on the first day, i spent most of the second day slamming violently down at speed down on my coccyx. i got hot and sweaty, then cold. my joints felt like those of a 90 year old. i would pick up speed and relax into a turn, only to suddenly catch an edge and plow face-first into the snow. i forgot everything i had learned, and my co-ordination got worse as the day went on. in the last hour before the lifts closed, i took one melodramatic spill where my brain rattled and hat went flying off my head, leaving me having to perilously scramble/slide after it. it was at that point i decided i had had enough, and stormed off to the car (as much as one can storm in severe pain) to wait for the others to finish.

once everyone had re-assembled and told their most victoriously death-defying stories from the day, we headed into saint lary, where we decided to browse around the village bit, buying knicknacks, and eventually ended up having a big leisurely spanish dinner of paella and beer. finally arriving back at the hostel, we showered and headed to the bar, to have some spanish red wine and play yahtzee late into the evening.

the next morning we were up and packed early, passing around ibuprofen to stave off the worst of the aches and pains. after coffee and breakfast, we went back to the same slope, this time managing to hire better equipment (quick-release bindings!) and get out on the snow with a minimum of fuss. after a bit, we were all feeling a lot more confident – we headed for some longer and steeper runs, and had a bit of adrenaline rush going. i finally managed to lick my turns (so that instead of seesawing, i could now “carve” a bit), even managing to finally get the hang of the kick-turn move, and inordinately proud of myself for mastering something i had struggle so hard with. after that, it was soooo much more enjoyable – fewer falls, more control, less frustration, more pleasure. at our late lunch (crusty sandwiches, fruit and biscuits), however, it became apparent that chris had manage to really hurt himself, wrenching an ankle badly, and unable to continue. sadly, he had to retire to the car, while the rest of us tried to get in some last runs before leaving. eventually, reticently, we had to collect ourselves to go, so we returned the boards, picked up our bags from the hostel, settled accounts (the totals being amazingly cheap!), and headed for the airport.

after a surprisingly smooth journey home, i wanted nothing more than to fall into bed, only to discover instead, that whilst we were away, raging windstorms had slammed open our bedroom balcony door, smashing it, and leaving the room covered in glass and open to the elements. a disheartening end to the holiday, to be sure.

all in all, however, it was an incredible weekend, with gorgeous weather, lots of laughs and good times, and great friends. although my body is much battered and worse for the wear (beaten knees and elbows, arthritic joints, whiplashed neck and a bruise the size of a grapefruit on my tailbone – i feel like i’ve been through a tumbledryer full of rocks) it was a wonderfully fun trip.

view the action shots here

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blog birthday

by J at 6:21 pm on 4.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: mutterings and musings

so i’ve been doing this blog for a year now, interestingly (or not) enough. i guess it all started because i got tired of copying and pasting emails as a way to keep in touch with friends and family back in the states. this page has gone through about 4 different incarnations since then, and while i’m not even sure anyone reads it, i seem to find it cathartic/fun/self-obsessive enough to keep it up. at the very least, it keeps me writing, and thinking, and gives me a space to vent about shit no one else wants to listen to anymore, so i’ll keep typing away until it no longer serves it’s purpose…

in that vein of thought, here are some interesting articles about who blogs, who reads, and why:

the blog as social artefact

blog reading explodes, thanks to the election

10 things we learned about blogs like most bloggers are women.

not blog related, but we’ve all done it: yahoo’s office email attachment awards of 2004

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bring on 2005

by J at 9:24 pm on 3.01.2005Comments Off
filed under: family and friends, holidaze

new year’s was brilliant. new years eve, the whole big bunch went down to the local bar, (managed to even snag some seats!) and drank our fill – or perhaps a bit more. raina left shortly after midnight, since she was hopping a plane to ecuador early in the morning, tracey and i played hide the sandwich, stef and I had a long conversation about nihilism, and kerryn and i jabbered on about the meaning of life. we stumbled home about 3am, popped some more champagne and talked shit until 4ish, and promptly passed out the minute our heads hit the pillow.

new years day we again made a massive breakfast, watched movies, played video games all day, and i cooked a traditional italian new year’s good luck dinner (lentils and sausage) and cake with a coin in it (which kerryn found, bringing him prosperity in the new year).

sunday we again had a giant brek-fy, watched even more movies and played more video games, and i cooked up some giant meatball and sauce sub sandwiches for dinner. bad television til late in the eve…

monday – you guessed it, more of the same!

sorry, no pics of the weekend, but i’m sure you can use you imagination to picture the above! a cheerful, chilled, and cosy way to ring in the new year.

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