so this is the part i hate. blair and leeann leave london for good tomorrow, so went to have a “goodbye” drink.

I’m not used to this. I’m usually the one leaving, before I get left. I am usually the one moving on, before things pass me by. it’s easier that way – easier than feeling stuck, easier than feeling sad, easier than feeling left behind. it’s easier to change by choice, rather than necessity.

nothing on this little shiny marble stays still – and i wouldn’t want it to. I’ll never be one of those people who settle for tv dinners, who get sucked into the complacency of routine, who are happy to stay within the confines of their known world, their little goldfish bubble. still, I don’t deal well with externally imposed change – i know this about myself. and i know this is all part of the experience i signed on for. i’m just not used to being on the other side.

i’m happy for them – they’re going forward, not content to merely stand still. and we have plans, too – it’s not as if we’re putting down roots, pulling down the blinds, and starting our thimble collection. it’s just that when people you care about leave, it’s impossible not to feel a bit selfish about it. you want them to stay – for you.

that’s the transient nature of this ragtag group of expat wandering travellers that I call friends. they’re the people i have the most in common with, but the people i get to spend the least time knowing. it’s an ever-shifting, fluid collective, where people come, and people go. they’re inspiring and adventurous, full of world experience and easy-going by nature. they do the kinds of things i plan to do, try things i want to try. they are seers and doers and dreamers of life. and they accept me as one of their kind.

i just hate it when they leave. and i am still here.

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